Blanket Weather

As usual, I write as I lean my back against the wall. The rain is falling hard since afternoon, so I set my blanket on my feet. I try to memorize what I really need to write because my current emotional condition is pretty unstable.

Today is the 58th days of the year and I could say that, I am lucky and blessed. Several big events happened during the first two months which maybe unrealistic, yet it happened to me. Previously I tweeted about what scared me off after receiving so many great good news. Well okay, about the good news.. I finished my research proposal within three weeks and already did the presentation, achieved the highest score, got very kind and cooperative advisers plus humble and helpful examiners. A day after presentation, I directly jump to Bandung as I accepted as an intern on Central Bank of Indonesia. Okay, probably that's too much for me to ask from God, but He's been very generous to me. Other thing, dad got new big project tho he should move to Papua. So apparently, dad, mom and me live separately in three places. Interesting.

It doesn't run as I wish, tho. Personal life. I got slapped really hard here and there, cried many times, angry all the time, even I probably get a heart attack during those emotional weeks. 

*currently playing Charlie Puth's One Call Away right now for personal purpose* 

I've made several people having bad weeks, too. I probably shared too much information, but all I need was to be listened genuinely. Until one day, one of my good friend called and shared the unpleasant story of him. Until on the next following days, I heard my very good friend shared her tragic part of her life, a very dramatic one I thought it will only occur on TV. Few days later, I listened to other good friend about how unhappy he was as human being. As I shared stories, they fed me back with something I concerned as a nightmare which comes every night. I was really weak that I even told mom of what I felt.

People come, people go

Everything got a chance to change

Sometimes it's raining cats and dogs

Sometimes it's just sere

I don't understand how hard to arrange this chaotic world, but sure God has put His hand to help everyone. You just never know when will it hit you. Perhaps it will always hit you in moderate power so you won't feel too much. And by hand, I mean He has uncountable hands that often formed as family or friend.

It hit me really hard that right now I am still suffering. Perhaps, I've seen anywhere laughing with friends or doing something. Because indeed,

Life is about keep going on even after the hardest storm

And you have nowhere to hide but your own heart

The eyes will keep telling the truth

And people will get bored to your book

And maybe that's the reason why we should not trust people?

Or maybe we should keep writing different stories

Although we are still thinking the same as yesterdays

And the feeling that never change

Because even the closest people, the one whom you trust your every story

Made a big lie just last weekend..

Tonight should be ended in an awe way

Because my year will be change in two months away

And let us wish the most beautiful wish

That would be a day everyone will cherish